I bought a bottle of Spitfire beer tonight at the Co-op to toast a new job £1.59. Last week in Rugby HQ interview they seemed to like me for some strange reason.
So today was a driving assessment at UPS Northampton Depot (20 miles away) in the morning and H&S safer driving dvds and presentations this afternoon. The guy in charge said lets go to the hamburger van down the road at lunchtime (I still had to cook tonight), and as we walked he casually said right you start 7;30 tomorrow. So the 1st 2 weeks is learning the ropes devices and routes until they leave me on my own as soon as I feel ready.
I am pleased to at least be employed again. The salary is about the same as my last job the smoking enforcement officer. If it works out, I just need my money to be released from these bricks and mortar and start again. I seem to always be starting again every now and then. Where ever I lay my hat thats my job. Snakes and ladders, river deep mountain high, when all I ever wanted was a plateau.
I was earning 33k during the 90's but the age discrimination gets in the way of that. Not good enough that David Groome the barrister states Allan Sharpe is the best Trading Standards officer he has ever worked with, or TV presenter Lynn Faulds Wood extolling accolades as well. No. But then again most , not all , of the interviewers were wankers anyway.
The words of Ken my oldest dearest friend from school: "Since we met, all those years ago our lives have moved in quite different directions and out journeys have been different too. I have always admired your independence, determined to be your own man. I know it has brought you highs and lows, but for me it brought great memories. Glad we are still pals long may it last".
Monday, 27 July 2009
Saturday, 25 July 2009
The Status Quo
Da dang dang dang dang dang, Da dang dang dang dang dang, Da dang dang dang dang dang, delud dang,
Whatever you want
Whatever you like
Whatever you say
You pay your money
You take your choice
Whatever you need
Whatever you use
Whatever you win
Whatever you loose………Whatever you Want
Yes it was the Status Quo last night open air at Newmarket Race Course, and they were fantastic. The 1st half performance was seamless as with a guitar chord they were able to switch from Rick Parfitt singing to Rossi taking over and the next song. The audience was rocking all over the world, no one rolled over and laid down , not even sweet Caroline, and no one was down down just head banging to the guitar crescendos.
True musicians who have stood the test of time and no computerised rhythmic noise what some stupidly class as music today.
Parfitt and I used to drink and sail together on the Thames, though his boat was bigger than mine, as was his consumption, 2 bottles of vodka to my 2 pints of beer, so I usually ended up sailing his boat home. A real lovely fella though.
Whatever you want
Whatever you like
Whatever you say
You pay your money
You take your choice
Whatever you need
Whatever you use
Whatever you win
Whatever you loose………Whatever you Want
Yes it was the Status Quo last night open air at Newmarket Race Course, and they were fantastic. The 1st half performance was seamless as with a guitar chord they were able to switch from Rick Parfitt singing to Rossi taking over and the next song. The audience was rocking all over the world, no one rolled over and laid down , not even sweet Caroline, and no one was down down just head banging to the guitar crescendos.
True musicians who have stood the test of time and no computerised rhythmic noise what some stupidly class as music today.
Parfitt and I used to drink and sail together on the Thames, though his boat was bigger than mine, as was his consumption, 2 bottles of vodka to my 2 pints of beer, so I usually ended up sailing his boat home. A real lovely fella though.
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
Fun
A Funny thing happened to me today on the way to an interview:
I went to Rugby today, in typical British July seasonal weather conditions, yes pouring with rain.
The local council workers are very dedicated there in Rugby, they should win an award, maybe I will try to nominate them.
It was pouring down with rain when I approached this rather pleasant roundabout called the hanging baskets of Rugby roundabout, I dont think they could afford a hanging garden. Anyway I digress, there was Mr J Obsworth and his tanker truck, in his waterproof wet suit holding an elongated hose to....,,,,,,wait for it.......
water the bloody baskets in this monsoon.
Note to the Leader of the Council: errrrrrrrr dedication to duty or I am a robot, I dont think mate I do what I am told, then bugger off home.
I went to Rugby today, in typical British July seasonal weather conditions, yes pouring with rain.
The local council workers are very dedicated there in Rugby, they should win an award, maybe I will try to nominate them.
It was pouring down with rain when I approached this rather pleasant roundabout called the hanging baskets of Rugby roundabout, I dont think they could afford a hanging garden. Anyway I digress, there was Mr J Obsworth and his tanker truck, in his waterproof wet suit holding an elongated hose to....,,,,,,wait for it.......
water the bloody baskets in this monsoon.
Note to the Leader of the Council: errrrrrrrr dedication to duty or I am a robot, I dont think mate I do what I am told, then bugger off home.
Saturday, 11 July 2009
Hero
Sometimes the river flows but nothing breathes.
A train arrives but never leaves.
It's a shame.
Oh life like love that walks out of the door.
Of being rich or being poor.
Such a shame.
But it's then, then that faith arrives.
To make you feel at least alive.
And that's why you should keep on aiming high.
Just seek yourself and you will shine
You've got to search for the hero inside yourself.
Search for the secrets you hide.
Search for the hero inside yourself.
Until you find the key to your life.
In this life long and hard though it may seem
Live it as you'd live a dream.
Aim so high.
Just keep the flame of truth burning bright.
The missing treasure you must find.
Because you and only you alone.
Can build a bridge across the stream.
Weave your spell in life's rich tapestry.
Your passport to a feel supreme.
You've got to search for the hero inside yourself.
Search for the secrets you hide.
Search for the hero inside yourself.
Until you find the key to your life.
A train arrives but never leaves.
It's a shame.
Oh life like love that walks out of the door.
Of being rich or being poor.
Such a shame.
But it's then, then that faith arrives.
To make you feel at least alive.
And that's why you should keep on aiming high.
Just seek yourself and you will shine
You've got to search for the hero inside yourself.
Search for the secrets you hide.
Search for the hero inside yourself.
Until you find the key to your life.
In this life long and hard though it may seem
Live it as you'd live a dream.
Aim so high.
Just keep the flame of truth burning bright.
The missing treasure you must find.
Because you and only you alone.
Can build a bridge across the stream.
Weave your spell in life's rich tapestry.
Your passport to a feel supreme.
You've got to search for the hero inside yourself.
Search for the secrets you hide.
Search for the hero inside yourself.
Until you find the key to your life.
How not to Interview Someone
There are 3 types of Consumer what are they?
When is an interview not a job interview but an oral test?
I passed my Government Qualification in 1971. I am not a rookie anymore, well past the sell by date. Sell be dates never existed when I was young. Nor do I appreciate being interviewed by kindergarten pencil necks either.
Short list me from my extensive knowledge and experience Curriculum Vitae resume and application, just don’t ask me daft questions, that is what exams are for. Maybe better to ask me also what I have done rather than continue on the technical question and theoretical answer sequence. I really felt like walking out. Honestly.
Hold on can I open that window and ask the audience, can I go 50/50 on that one, I say let me phone a friend.
Some interviews are solid, psychometric test, presentation then 150 minutes of discussion. However being shown round the office and introduced to would be team mates is weird because you probably won't ever see those would be team mates ever again. Nice gesture - false hopes - false smiles. Some interviews are just what do you think of its so far = rubbish and are tin pot 30 minutes and hopeless. Is that the way they select someone to work for them for the next eon of years on 30 mins question and answer, technical questions and an on line application form, I think not. Waste of money advertising and recruiting. Well I don’t want to work at what resemble Hitler’s bunker anyway. Hundreds of lemmings surrounded by metal filing cabinets no natural light, just oceans of fluorescents, how depressing being a mushroom there. WW111 could kick off but they would not have a clue.
Oh and btw, they have insufficient car park space for a job that is essential car user. They only have 80% capacity. So the barrier only lets you in to park 4 days out of 5. On the 5th day you either work from home or stay out all day, but you don’t come into the office.
Whacky Racers heehehehehehehehhehehehehe
When is an interview not a job interview but an oral test?
I passed my Government Qualification in 1971. I am not a rookie anymore, well past the sell by date. Sell be dates never existed when I was young. Nor do I appreciate being interviewed by kindergarten pencil necks either.
Short list me from my extensive knowledge and experience Curriculum Vitae resume and application, just don’t ask me daft questions, that is what exams are for. Maybe better to ask me also what I have done rather than continue on the technical question and theoretical answer sequence. I really felt like walking out. Honestly.
Hold on can I open that window and ask the audience, can I go 50/50 on that one, I say let me phone a friend.
Some interviews are solid, psychometric test, presentation then 150 minutes of discussion. However being shown round the office and introduced to would be team mates is weird because you probably won't ever see those would be team mates ever again. Nice gesture - false hopes - false smiles. Some interviews are just what do you think of its so far = rubbish and are tin pot 30 minutes and hopeless. Is that the way they select someone to work for them for the next eon of years on 30 mins question and answer, technical questions and an on line application form, I think not. Waste of money advertising and recruiting. Well I don’t want to work at what resemble Hitler’s bunker anyway. Hundreds of lemmings surrounded by metal filing cabinets no natural light, just oceans of fluorescents, how depressing being a mushroom there. WW111 could kick off but they would not have a clue.
Oh and btw, they have insufficient car park space for a job that is essential car user. They only have 80% capacity. So the barrier only lets you in to park 4 days out of 5. On the 5th day you either work from home or stay out all day, but you don’t come into the office.
Whacky Racers heehehehehehehehhehehehehe
Thursday, 9 July 2009
Bright Eyes
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
I drove all day ....to get to you
I drove 400 miles round trip to Dorchester today for an interview. The journey took almost 8 hours, the interview lasted two and a half hours, after I had to perform a ten minute power point presentation. I had previously completed the application form of course and an on line Psychometric test. I thought the interview went well. I was honest, what you see is what you get with me. They smiled and looked at me when we shook hands and said our goodbyes. It’s when they don’t look you in the eye at the end that you know they are not interested. I also think we shared common views which is refreshing. Anyway wait and see, no news will be bad news.
I also have observations to make, some more startling than others, and the startling ones I start to write about here for a start, that is startling in itself I guess, anyway enough starting about the bush , get on with it, ok…….
Dorset, charming county, birth place of the Trade Union movement, the Tolpuddle Martyrs. Dorchester is quaint, surrounded by small villages like Piddle Hinton, Piddletrentthistle and Puddletown as well as Tolpuddle of course, and it occurred to me as I drove along the A35 passed these road signs, that there were bound to be puddles with all this piddling going on !!
Final foot note from our motoring correspondent: Are BMW drivers the worse drivers on the road?? I have a 3 litre V6 Jaguar that if I wanted to could see anything other than Jason Button off the road. The number of times today BMWs were in my rear view mirror forcing there way and guzzling expensive fuel. Now I am no slow coach. I have done taxi driving, got numerous people to airports against the clock, never failed to get people there in no time at all, wooosh it was all a blur. BUT these bad man’s wheels are pathetic, and have no concept of looking ahead driving, and yes it is a sweeping generalisation, but it was too numerous today not to tar the whole BMW range with the same chequered flag. Tomorrow I am going to Halfords to get a rear gunner fitted, dadadadadadada ………………………
I also have observations to make, some more startling than others, and the startling ones I start to write about here for a start, that is startling in itself I guess, anyway enough starting about the bush , get on with it, ok…….
Dorset, charming county, birth place of the Trade Union movement, the Tolpuddle Martyrs. Dorchester is quaint, surrounded by small villages like Piddle Hinton, Piddletrentthistle and Puddletown as well as Tolpuddle of course, and it occurred to me as I drove along the A35 passed these road signs, that there were bound to be puddles with all this piddling going on !!
Final foot note from our motoring correspondent: Are BMW drivers the worse drivers on the road?? I have a 3 litre V6 Jaguar that if I wanted to could see anything other than Jason Button off the road. The number of times today BMWs were in my rear view mirror forcing there way and guzzling expensive fuel. Now I am no slow coach. I have done taxi driving, got numerous people to airports against the clock, never failed to get people there in no time at all, wooosh it was all a blur. BUT these bad man’s wheels are pathetic, and have no concept of looking ahead driving, and yes it is a sweeping generalisation, but it was too numerous today not to tar the whole BMW range with the same chequered flag. Tomorrow I am going to Halfords to get a rear gunner fitted, dadadadadadada ………………………
Sunday, 5 July 2009
I've Been driving in my car, it is just a Jaguar
I've been driving in my car, it is just a Jaguar, Madness I now, but many of my thoughts come from behind a van or lorry steering wheel as I drive to survive.... wheels keep rolling, rolling down the road,them Cherokees are after me flaming spears burn my ears but I'm singing a happy song..........
The other day..............well if you are sitting comfortably......... I remembered the research trip whilst Watchdog was off air. I was in a hire XR31, it got me to Cologne in 4 hours including the ferry, woosh. Of course all the former Messerschmitt pilots were now behind a Mercedes steering wheel and more importantly behind ein Englander number plate, donna und blitzen, a new dog fight on the autobahns, and guess who won again....he he ha ha, bandits at 12 o clock tally ho , roger wilco, dadadadadadada.
I drove to Berncastle, where the Romans had started the wine industry on the banks of the Rhine. Now everyone knew, Germany exported more wine than it could grow grapes for. Everyone knew that common market subsidies were given to Germany for this. Everybody knew that the excess came over the Alps on a choo choo train from Cinzano Bianco who had too much of the dreggs to cope with. Everbody knew that the Germans did not drink this Liebfraumilch which was export only to Japan, USA and Britain, where our pallates were less educated. Do you think I could get anybody to go public on this. Wrong, Donna und Blitzen, sprekenzy nine.
And now for something completely different and a track from 1548MW Golden Oldies on the van radio............
I met her in a club
down in old Soho
where you drink champagne
and it tastes just
like cherry cola
C-O-L-A cola
She walked up to me
and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name
and in a dark brown voice
she said Lola
L-O-L-A Lola
la la la la Lola
Well I'm not the world's
most physical guy
but when she squeezed me tight
she nearly broke my spine
oh my Lola
la la la la Lola
Well I'm not dumb
but I can't understand
why she walked like a woman
and talked like a man
oh my Lola
la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola
Well we drank champagne
and danced all night
under electric candle light
she picked me up and
sat me on her knee
and said "Dear boy
won't you come home with me?"
Well I'm not the world's
most passionate guy
but when I looked in her eyes
I almost fell for my
Lola la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola
Lola la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola
I pushed her away
I walked to the door
Well I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
then I looked at her
and she at me
Well that's the way
that I want it to stay
and I always want it
to be that wayfor my Lola
la la la la Lola
Girls will be boys
and boys will be girls
it's a mixed up
muddled up
shook up world
except for Lola
la la la la Lola
Well I left home just
a week before
and I'd never ever kissed
a woman before
but Lola smiled and
took me by the hand
and said "Dear boy
I'm gonna make you a man"
Well I'm not the world's
most masculine man
but I know what I am
and I'm glad I'm a man
and so is Lola
la la la la lola
la la la la Lola
Lola la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola
The Kinks one of my favourites, and you remember Bob Sweet course you do, one of the 4 prefects that run my school at break time, we the 4 Muskateers. Well we went at 17, it was a very good year, to a pub in cetral London, and Bob got off with this bird. Now Bob always removed his glasses in vanity, even driving up to Kilburn Grammar school for girls where Ken's child hood sweet heart was waiting with her pals on the lunch time school wall. Bob was blind as a bat without his glasses and as he grinned and squinted, we co pilots had to guide him through his final approach. In fact once he reversed the sit up and beg Ford Popular, into a tree, because he was too distracted by the mini skirted girl in the front seat to heed my warning exclamations, crunch!!
Anyway, back to the original plot, where were we, oh yes, in the pub, with a glass or seven. So Bob minus glasses is led round the back alley way by his "pull" and then he comes back 5 minutes later "come on lets drink up and scarper" "why" "that f...g bird , I put my hand up her skirt, and grabbed her balls, b....d shes a f...g bloke!!!!" Donna und Blitzen, Lol und Blitzen, exit stage left varoooom.
When I was 17 it was a very good year, it was a year of experience and life was not as it seemed, oh how people dreamed, when I was 17.
The plot thickens next time, stay tuned to this channel, where the names of the innocent have not been changed to protect the guilty !!!
The other day..............well if you are sitting comfortably......... I remembered the research trip whilst Watchdog was off air. I was in a hire XR31, it got me to Cologne in 4 hours including the ferry, woosh. Of course all the former Messerschmitt pilots were now behind a Mercedes steering wheel and more importantly behind ein Englander number plate, donna und blitzen, a new dog fight on the autobahns, and guess who won again....he he ha ha, bandits at 12 o clock tally ho , roger wilco, dadadadadadada.
I drove to Berncastle, where the Romans had started the wine industry on the banks of the Rhine. Now everyone knew, Germany exported more wine than it could grow grapes for. Everyone knew that common market subsidies were given to Germany for this. Everybody knew that the excess came over the Alps on a choo choo train from Cinzano Bianco who had too much of the dreggs to cope with. Everbody knew that the Germans did not drink this Liebfraumilch which was export only to Japan, USA and Britain, where our pallates were less educated. Do you think I could get anybody to go public on this. Wrong, Donna und Blitzen, sprekenzy nine.
And now for something completely different and a track from 1548MW Golden Oldies on the van radio............
I met her in a club
down in old Soho
where you drink champagne
and it tastes just
like cherry cola
C-O-L-A cola
She walked up to me
and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name
and in a dark brown voice
she said Lola
L-O-L-A Lola
la la la la Lola
Well I'm not the world's
most physical guy
but when she squeezed me tight
she nearly broke my spine
oh my Lola
la la la la Lola
Well I'm not dumb
but I can't understand
why she walked like a woman
and talked like a man
oh my Lola
la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola
Well we drank champagne
and danced all night
under electric candle light
she picked me up and
sat me on her knee
and said "Dear boy
won't you come home with me?"
Well I'm not the world's
most passionate guy
but when I looked in her eyes
I almost fell for my
Lola la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola
Lola la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola
I pushed her away
I walked to the door
Well I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
then I looked at her
and she at me
Well that's the way
that I want it to stay
and I always want it
to be that wayfor my Lola
la la la la Lola
Girls will be boys
and boys will be girls
it's a mixed up
muddled up
shook up world
except for Lola
la la la la Lola
Well I left home just
a week before
and I'd never ever kissed
a woman before
but Lola smiled and
took me by the hand
and said "Dear boy
I'm gonna make you a man"
Well I'm not the world's
most masculine man
but I know what I am
and I'm glad I'm a man
and so is Lola
la la la la lola
la la la la Lola
Lola la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola
The Kinks one of my favourites, and you remember Bob Sweet course you do, one of the 4 prefects that run my school at break time, we the 4 Muskateers. Well we went at 17, it was a very good year, to a pub in cetral London, and Bob got off with this bird. Now Bob always removed his glasses in vanity, even driving up to Kilburn Grammar school for girls where Ken's child hood sweet heart was waiting with her pals on the lunch time school wall. Bob was blind as a bat without his glasses and as he grinned and squinted, we co pilots had to guide him through his final approach. In fact once he reversed the sit up and beg Ford Popular, into a tree, because he was too distracted by the mini skirted girl in the front seat to heed my warning exclamations, crunch!!
Anyway, back to the original plot, where were we, oh yes, in the pub, with a glass or seven. So Bob minus glasses is led round the back alley way by his "pull" and then he comes back 5 minutes later "come on lets drink up and scarper" "why" "that f...g bird , I put my hand up her skirt, and grabbed her balls, b....d shes a f...g bloke!!!!" Donna und Blitzen, Lol und Blitzen, exit stage left varoooom.
When I was 17 it was a very good year, it was a year of experience and life was not as it seemed, oh how people dreamed, when I was 17.
The plot thickens next time, stay tuned to this channel, where the names of the innocent have not been changed to protect the guilty !!!
Thursday, 2 July 2009
The Case of the Blackpool Shed
The Case of Blackpool Garden Shed
Going to all these interviews and recounting the past, cases like when the Nuns and Monks were double booked into the same hotel accommodation, yes you read that right. I always try to recount something new, else I bore myself listening to the same old song, with a different meaning since I was gone.
The other day, I forget which interview it was, 3 faces listening as they do, so I told them about the time I went to Blackpool in the late 70’s. I had a warrant, because in Britain’s premier shopping street oxford street they were selling fake Channel, Charlie and Ives St Laurent perfume. Made in London, Paris, New York, it actually was bottled in a council house via a yellow plastic funnel in Blackpool. The packaging was good, the mastermind, who also owned the plush Blackpool Country Tennis Club, had paid a proper printers in nearby Morecombe to create the almost exact packaging.
So I turned up from London. I rendezvoused with an Officer from Wrexham, who had also come across the product. Blackpool Trading Standards showed no interest other than making me a cup of tea and showing me the addresses on a map.
So when I descended on matey at the council house, he refused any co operation. I saw the garden shed, asked him what was in it and for the key. He said he had no key and did not know what was in it. So I kicked the door in and blimey,it started swaying, the whole shed, and creeking, and then in a puff of dust the walls collapsed like a house of cards, bham. not only was it empty but is was not nailed together properly and collapsed roof and all, empty absolutely empty just dust………ooopppsss.
“Don’t wreck the whole place” Matey shouts out, “It’s all in the cellar”. And lo and behold the bottling plant was their in the Cellar, so me and Mr Wrexham loaded all into my car back to London for the court case. Next time I should take a dog to scent the scent I guess, even fake not so smelly, scent.
Going to all these interviews and recounting the past, cases like when the Nuns and Monks were double booked into the same hotel accommodation, yes you read that right. I always try to recount something new, else I bore myself listening to the same old song, with a different meaning since I was gone.
The other day, I forget which interview it was, 3 faces listening as they do, so I told them about the time I went to Blackpool in the late 70’s. I had a warrant, because in Britain’s premier shopping street oxford street they were selling fake Channel, Charlie and Ives St Laurent perfume. Made in London, Paris, New York, it actually was bottled in a council house via a yellow plastic funnel in Blackpool. The packaging was good, the mastermind, who also owned the plush Blackpool Country Tennis Club, had paid a proper printers in nearby Morecombe to create the almost exact packaging.
So I turned up from London. I rendezvoused with an Officer from Wrexham, who had also come across the product. Blackpool Trading Standards showed no interest other than making me a cup of tea and showing me the addresses on a map.
So when I descended on matey at the council house, he refused any co operation. I saw the garden shed, asked him what was in it and for the key. He said he had no key and did not know what was in it. So I kicked the door in and blimey,it started swaying, the whole shed, and creeking, and then in a puff of dust the walls collapsed like a house of cards, bham. not only was it empty but is was not nailed together properly and collapsed roof and all, empty absolutely empty just dust………ooopppsss.
“Don’t wreck the whole place” Matey shouts out, “It’s all in the cellar”. And lo and behold the bottling plant was their in the Cellar, so me and Mr Wrexham loaded all into my car back to London for the court case. Next time I should take a dog to scent the scent I guess, even fake not so smelly, scent.
Amazing Adventures
Amazing Adventures: Episode 87
King.Com is the largest casual gaming site that I frequent escaping reality into the cyber world of virtual reality. Here I play with opponents and friends that I have made from around the www globe.
Some of the games and some of the interaction with players are the addiction, and we are all escaping from life as we know it to find solace and enjoyment in games people play, like scrabble, card games, ball games, even pinball wizard and ten pin bowling. It is amazing what computers can do.
There is a game called Amazing Adventures, and in fact it should be called I Spy, it is nothing like Indiana Jones ( I got a hat like that). I do think the Computer Games marketing sections often have a power surge of excess binary code .
However Amazing Adventures do prompt me into remembering my amazing adventures and yes I have had a few. There was the time when Helen swam out to rescue Ian my eldest , drifting out with the football, real Baywatch style. There was the time when Graeme my youngest at 9 froze at the breakfast table and started turning blue, fortunately my kiss of life eventually brought him round, and what did the doctors say “good job you were there”. Now he is 6’4”, but that was the worse moment of my life, he was dead for a few seconds.
King’s games take you to Luxor (been there Karnak Temple), the Pyramids (been there Galloped around them and the Japanese Nikon camera tourists – Hadush, Lawrence of Arabia- huh!).
I have not survived the Amazon, because I have not got that far, I have driven from Vegas to the Grand Canyon in an open top Mustang, thinking I would see John Wayne, Custer’s 7th Cavalry and Sitting Bull’s Sioux Nation, any minute on the horizon. I did later dance the eagle dance with the Navajo. Another claim to fame was seeing Whacko Jacko looking at dolls in a toy store in Vegas in the 90's. The "we love you Michael" crowd was held back, he was dressed in the heat in black coat, black hat, sunglasses and a scarf. His kids wore butterfly nets over their heads and feathered masks over their faces. He looked at the dolls for almost an hour, I could see him through the glass windows, bizarre.
Arnie was much better, more normal, his cigar in this Santa Monica restaurant was huge about 12 inches, wish I had one that big. Interesting, as California had led the way about no smoking. But I guess the would be Governor was allowed to break the law. Arnold Schwarzenegger then sitting at the next table, only 5'8" without the Alan Ladd platform shoes, so I towered above him and so did his friend a big fat lady who greeted him with an embrace that squeezed the air out of his lungs and almost ejected that huge Cuban smoking device. Literally big fat mamma succedded in raising him off his feet, like no other action enemy had done before on the screen. Conan the Barbarian, one of my favourite films, was now slotted into a reality check, as the cheque for our meal arrived. True one of his arms equalled both of mine put together, but he was as you see him, grin and laugh a minute, hahaha yeah.
I have flown a 1941 Tiger Moth bi plane at Duxford Imperial War Museum, jocks away, tally ho Roger Wilco, stop calling me Roger, Wilco..
I have also fed the elephants who get extremely randy with bananas , their trunks and their noses at the end of their trunks. Really Paris Hilton is amateur by comparison. This was in Thailand of course where Health and Safety has not gone mad and spoilt it for every one, and after riding one for about an hour, and not like at the zoo just up and down, no through the forest with Mowgli at the helm or head. Mind you even the baby elephant weighed 2 tons and could push me around like no one has pushed me around before.
Also in Thailand, I visited a little fishing village and was escorted like Livingstone to the chief’s wooden hut on stilts, with one red carpet in the middle of the solitary room. I wanted one of his men to take me in the low long boats they use to go round the Islands featured in the James Bond movie. Such friendly people, that was a real adventure, and doing what other tourists would never do, I also gave them more ££ than they asked for, it was that exhilarating.
New York, Paris, London, Venice, Rome and the rest, knocked over by the crashing Pacific waves, found my way to San Jose Dionne Warwick style, ah wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo, wo. I didn’t wear flowers in my hair in San Fransisco, but I did have flowers on my scooter in the streets of London in the Hippie Mod ‘60s.
More tales when you are sitting comfortably next time.
King.Com is the largest casual gaming site that I frequent escaping reality into the cyber world of virtual reality. Here I play with opponents and friends that I have made from around the www globe.
Some of the games and some of the interaction with players are the addiction, and we are all escaping from life as we know it to find solace and enjoyment in games people play, like scrabble, card games, ball games, even pinball wizard and ten pin bowling. It is amazing what computers can do.
There is a game called Amazing Adventures, and in fact it should be called I Spy, it is nothing like Indiana Jones ( I got a hat like that). I do think the Computer Games marketing sections often have a power surge of excess binary code .
However Amazing Adventures do prompt me into remembering my amazing adventures and yes I have had a few. There was the time when Helen swam out to rescue Ian my eldest , drifting out with the football, real Baywatch style. There was the time when Graeme my youngest at 9 froze at the breakfast table and started turning blue, fortunately my kiss of life eventually brought him round, and what did the doctors say “good job you were there”. Now he is 6’4”, but that was the worse moment of my life, he was dead for a few seconds.
King’s games take you to Luxor (been there Karnak Temple), the Pyramids (been there Galloped around them and the Japanese Nikon camera tourists – Hadush, Lawrence of Arabia- huh!).
I have not survived the Amazon, because I have not got that far, I have driven from Vegas to the Grand Canyon in an open top Mustang, thinking I would see John Wayne, Custer’s 7th Cavalry and Sitting Bull’s Sioux Nation, any minute on the horizon. I did later dance the eagle dance with the Navajo. Another claim to fame was seeing Whacko Jacko looking at dolls in a toy store in Vegas in the 90's. The "we love you Michael" crowd was held back, he was dressed in the heat in black coat, black hat, sunglasses and a scarf. His kids wore butterfly nets over their heads and feathered masks over their faces. He looked at the dolls for almost an hour, I could see him through the glass windows, bizarre.
Arnie was much better, more normal, his cigar in this Santa Monica restaurant was huge about 12 inches, wish I had one that big. Interesting, as California had led the way about no smoking. But I guess the would be Governor was allowed to break the law. Arnold Schwarzenegger then sitting at the next table, only 5'8" without the Alan Ladd platform shoes, so I towered above him and so did his friend a big fat lady who greeted him with an embrace that squeezed the air out of his lungs and almost ejected that huge Cuban smoking device. Literally big fat mamma succedded in raising him off his feet, like no other action enemy had done before on the screen. Conan the Barbarian, one of my favourite films, was now slotted into a reality check, as the cheque for our meal arrived. True one of his arms equalled both of mine put together, but he was as you see him, grin and laugh a minute, hahaha yeah.
I have flown a 1941 Tiger Moth bi plane at Duxford Imperial War Museum, jocks away, tally ho Roger Wilco, stop calling me Roger, Wilco..
I have also fed the elephants who get extremely randy with bananas , their trunks and their noses at the end of their trunks. Really Paris Hilton is amateur by comparison. This was in Thailand of course where Health and Safety has not gone mad and spoilt it for every one, and after riding one for about an hour, and not like at the zoo just up and down, no through the forest with Mowgli at the helm or head. Mind you even the baby elephant weighed 2 tons and could push me around like no one has pushed me around before.
Also in Thailand, I visited a little fishing village and was escorted like Livingstone to the chief’s wooden hut on stilts, with one red carpet in the middle of the solitary room. I wanted one of his men to take me in the low long boats they use to go round the Islands featured in the James Bond movie. Such friendly people, that was a real adventure, and doing what other tourists would never do, I also gave them more ££ than they asked for, it was that exhilarating.
New York, Paris, London, Venice, Rome and the rest, knocked over by the crashing Pacific waves, found my way to San Jose Dionne Warwick style, ah wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo, wo. I didn’t wear flowers in my hair in San Fransisco, but I did have flowers on my scooter in the streets of London in the Hippie Mod ‘60s.
More tales when you are sitting comfortably next time.
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