I've Been driving in my car, it is just a Jaguar

I've been driving in my car, it is just a Jaguar, Madness I now, but many of my thoughts come from behind a van or lorry steering wheel as I drive to survive.... wheels keep rolling, rolling down the road,them Cherokees are after me flaming spears burn my ears but I'm singing a happy song..........

The other day..............well if you are sitting comfortably......... I remembered the research trip whilst Watchdog was off air. I was in a hire XR31, it got me to Cologne in 4 hours including the ferry, woosh. Of course all the former Messerschmitt pilots were now behind a Mercedes steering wheel and more importantly behind ein Englander number plate, donna und blitzen, a new dog fight on the autobahns, and guess who won again....he he ha ha, bandits at 12 o clock tally ho , roger wilco, dadadadadadada.

I drove to Berncastle, where the Romans had started the wine industry on the banks of the Rhine. Now everyone knew, Germany exported more wine than it could grow grapes for. Everyone knew that common market subsidies were given to Germany for this. Everybody knew that the excess came over the Alps on a choo choo train from Cinzano Bianco who had too much of the dreggs to cope with. Everbody knew that the Germans did not drink this Liebfraumilch which was export only to Japan, USA and Britain, where our pallates were less educated. Do you think I could get anybody to go public on this. Wrong, Donna und Blitzen, sprekenzy nine.

And now for something completely different and a track from 1548MW Golden Oldies on the van radio............

I met her in a club
down in old Soho
where you drink champagne
and it tastes just
like cherry cola
C-O-L-A cola

She walked up to me
and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name
and in a dark brown voice
she said Lola
L-O-L-A Lola
la la la la Lola

Well I'm not the world's
most physical guy
but when she squeezed me tight
she nearly broke my spine
oh my Lola
la la la la Lola
Well I'm not dumb
but I can't understand
why she walked like a woman
and talked like a man
oh my Lola
la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola

Well we drank champagne
and danced all night
under electric candle light
she picked me up and
sat me on her knee
and said "Dear boy
won't you come home with me?"

Well I'm not the world's
most passionate guy
but when I looked in her eyes
I almost fell for my
Lola la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola
Lola la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola

I pushed her away
I walked to the door
Well I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
then I looked at her
and she at me

Well that's the way
that I want it to stay
and I always want it
to be that wayfor my Lola
la la la la Lola

Girls will be boys
and boys will be girls
it's a mixed up
muddled up
shook up world
except for Lola
la la la la Lola

Well I left home just
a week before
and I'd never ever kissed
a woman before
but Lola smiled and
took me by the hand
and said "Dear boy
I'm gonna make you a man"

Well I'm not the world's
most masculine man
but I know what I am
and I'm glad I'm a man
and so is Lola
la la la la lola
la la la la Lola
Lola la la la la Lola
la la la la Lola

The Kinks one of my favourites, and you remember Bob Sweet course you do, one of the 4 prefects that run my school at break time, we the 4 Muskateers. Well we went at 17, it was a very good year, to a pub in cetral London, and Bob got off with this bird. Now Bob always removed his glasses in vanity, even driving up to Kilburn Grammar school for girls where Ken's child hood sweet heart was waiting with her pals on the lunch time school wall. Bob was blind as a bat without his glasses and as he grinned and squinted, we co pilots had to guide him through his final approach. In fact once he reversed the sit up and beg Ford Popular, into a tree, because he was too distracted by the mini skirted girl in the front seat to heed my warning exclamations, crunch!!


Anyway, back to the original plot, where were we, oh yes, in the pub, with a glass or seven. So Bob minus glasses is led round the back alley way by his "pull" and then he comes back 5 minutes later "come on lets drink up and scarper" "why" "that f...g bird , I put my hand up her skirt, and grabbed her balls, b....d shes a f...g bloke!!!!" Donna und Blitzen, Lol und Blitzen, exit stage left varoooom.

When I was 17 it was a very good year, it was a year of experience and life was not as it seemed, oh how people dreamed, when I was 17.

The plot thickens next time, stay tuned to this channel, where the names of the innocent have not been changed to protect the guilty !!!