When you were young and your heart was an open book
You used to say live and let live
(you know you did, you know you did you know you did)
But in this ever changing world in which we live in
Makes you give in and cry
Say live and let die
Live and let DIE...................
I enquired about a job the other day, I thought it was a misprint : Wanted VNA Driver, but no it's not a Van driver they wanted , it's a qualification...a very narrow aisle driver, blimey, does that mean there is a NA driver and a VWA driver too, do they get less ££££ for driving down normal aisles or very wide aisles.
I was the first TV journalist to forecast climatic change in 1991, yes 19 years ago on a Thursday Night BBC1, and all the extreme weather predictions have come to fruition. BUT.......... can I get a job in something that is close to my heart, after all, as the Red Indians believed, we borrow this Earth for our children and their children.
No, you now need a Degree in it to sit behind a desk and do too little too late.
Standing in line marking time--
Waiting for the welfare dime
'Cause they can't buy a job
The man in the silk suit hurries by
As he catches the poor old ladies' eyes
Just for fun he says "Get a job"
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them
Maybe you need a qualification for pulling the toilet roll out of those cylindrical drums they use in the cubicles at Motorway Service Centres and Industrial Toilets. I can never find the dangly bit, toilet roll, I am referring too here. Maybe there is a guy in quality control who has glue to stick the end. Bit like the quality control officer at Durex with a pin who mutters "another bastard another bastard".
And finally............ as I drive over England's white and pleasant lands, I notice the road side signs as I leave the quaint village "Thank You for driving carefully".
Now the question: How did they know?? Why are there no further signs: "Now" "You Can "Be as Reckless as you like", "Go on drive like a mad man".
Thought provoking yes, but I don't need to be told to drive carefully, I thought we all wanted to live and not die.
Until next time.........................
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Thrapston for the Winter Olympics
Thrapston for the Olympics
I think gold medallist Amy Williams could have got her tea tray out on the A605 on Thursday night . She got to 90 mph in 54 seconds in lack of snow Vancouver, whereas I drove at 9mph taking 2 hours to get from Corby to my snow blocked home in Thrapston, just 12 miles.
True it was only 4 inches of rush hour blizzard snow, but those that did not keep their wheels moving, got stuck making it more hazardous for those of us that were trying to gauge the changing white road conditions.
Though Thrapston has not got the Rocky Mountains in its back yard, the local countryside is undulating and the lorries could not get up the slopes. In fact I had been driving in the snow all day through Worcestershire , Warwickshire and then Northamptonshire. I only saw Highway Agency gritters on some of the motorways, even the M45 was white and only me driving along it (in a lorry), with others following. It was as if the road was closed as I drove through the vortex of a snow blizzard.
Road signs were covered in white, and to compound the agony for motorists the M1 had been shut for most of the day due to an earlier accident. When the snow arrived the Police or jack knifed lorries closed even more roads.
So once again the snow is forecast, but the authorities are slow to respond, or in the interests of safety make it worse for all of us trying to get home. Much of my endeavours getting home from my work base in my car, which is an automatic and hates the snow, was trying to circumnavigate the road blocks, to little avail as the minor roads were nigh impassable. In fact the only way I got into Thrapston was on the wrong side of the road passed the Police cauldrons who were distracted by other events fortunately, but had made the other side of the road clear by stopping all the traffic.
Else, like I saw the following morning, I could have still been out there with the rest.
I think gold medallist Amy Williams could have got her tea tray out on the A605 on Thursday night . She got to 90 mph in 54 seconds in lack of snow Vancouver, whereas I drove at 9mph taking 2 hours to get from Corby to my snow blocked home in Thrapston, just 12 miles.
True it was only 4 inches of rush hour blizzard snow, but those that did not keep their wheels moving, got stuck making it more hazardous for those of us that were trying to gauge the changing white road conditions.
Though Thrapston has not got the Rocky Mountains in its back yard, the local countryside is undulating and the lorries could not get up the slopes. In fact I had been driving in the snow all day through Worcestershire , Warwickshire and then Northamptonshire. I only saw Highway Agency gritters on some of the motorways, even the M45 was white and only me driving along it (in a lorry), with others following. It was as if the road was closed as I drove through the vortex of a snow blizzard.
Road signs were covered in white, and to compound the agony for motorists the M1 had been shut for most of the day due to an earlier accident. When the snow arrived the Police or jack knifed lorries closed even more roads.
So once again the snow is forecast, but the authorities are slow to respond, or in the interests of safety make it worse for all of us trying to get home. Much of my endeavours getting home from my work base in my car, which is an automatic and hates the snow, was trying to circumnavigate the road blocks, to little avail as the minor roads were nigh impassable. In fact the only way I got into Thrapston was on the wrong side of the road passed the Police cauldrons who were distracted by other events fortunately, but had made the other side of the road clear by stopping all the traffic.
Else, like I saw the following morning, I could have still been out there with the rest.
Friday, 12 February 2010
Avatar
The Winter Olympics are coming, and my son lives there in Vancouver, no snow as well, except by the truck load. Great Britain has high hopes in some disciplines despite the organising association going bust, watch out for the men's curling world champions, and it ain't Canada. WE also have a young girl who comes down the ice on a breakfast tray, bit like the slope by Norwich Prison circa 1982 and a licking Labrador. Graeme being the smallest was in front on a yellow plastic sleigh bought en route in a petrol station, Ian was middle man, I was back bob sleigher, big bum steering and anchoring. Fast, Isaac Newton would have been proud, it was as if we invented the laws of gravity, yet alone were discovering them. Then on one passage, the golden Labrador decided to stand in our descent path, I just managed to bum steer round the hound, as it stuck its panting tongue out and managed to lick all three of us on our right cheeks, fortunately we missed the wagging tail!!
On my domestic front, we finally saw Avatar during the week in 3D and at Leicester Square prices though I was sure I drove down the A14 to Kettering.
Avatar: The descent of a deity to earth, and his incarnation as a man or an animal; chiefly associated with the incarnations of Vishnu.
Funny how computers have seen religion, though I have never liked a Ruby Murray myself.
Fantastic Film though, and though they were not gods descending, I did meet two Samaritans this week. WE were at B&Q having purchased some radiator cabinets. I have never liked radiators to my eye, and now that some TV 60 minute make over DIY day time programmes are showing them to Shirley Not, it is now in vogue to buy them. Some of us have our own ideas, others have to ketchup, never mind, back to the plot. The large one would not go in the Jaguar, yes I know it's a large car, I know that every time I try to park it. Unpacked the thing and still would not go in the car. Some kind soul, walked up and said I could use his Astra Van. I said of course, thats alright mate I will manage, though clearly I could not. Then he drove his Astra van up, and said he would follow me to Thrapston, 15 miles away. Which he did, and he would not take any cash for the petrol. What an amazing chappie, what what !!
Next, my car thought, well the onboard computer thought, that there was something wrong with the engine, so it kept on warning me about Failsafe Engine Mode. Now this reminds me of the time in California on the Rocky Highway, when the Automatic Chrysler stalled on the mountain incline, with rocks falling around us, during the aftermath of a hurricane August 1982. Yes an automatic stalls, five in the car, only for the on board computer voice to tell me: "your screen wash bottle was a quarter full". Later next day it incurred the wrath of my Mother's voice, when it started it's daily chorus check list "all monitored systems are functioning" only for Mother to say "Oh shut up, where were you yesterday when we needed you".
So I took the Jaguar to a little delapidated garage , well it is Thrapston, and yes we are back to the present. He scanned the computer, told it to be less negative, and more like the Man from Del Monte, and did not even charge me. What an excellent chappie what what !!
Now if only Spurs were not sheep when facing wolves huh, at least Harry agrees with my BBC critique, almost verbatum, as well as others, I got 5 stars for my comment !!!
Now the BBC have given me the title of the "legendary allansharpe", now is that the nearest thing to Avatar or what what !!!
On my domestic front, we finally saw Avatar during the week in 3D and at Leicester Square prices though I was sure I drove down the A14 to Kettering.
Avatar: The descent of a deity to earth, and his incarnation as a man or an animal; chiefly associated with the incarnations of Vishnu.
Funny how computers have seen religion, though I have never liked a Ruby Murray myself.
Fantastic Film though, and though they were not gods descending, I did meet two Samaritans this week. WE were at B&Q having purchased some radiator cabinets. I have never liked radiators to my eye, and now that some TV 60 minute make over DIY day time programmes are showing them to Shirley Not, it is now in vogue to buy them. Some of us have our own ideas, others have to ketchup, never mind, back to the plot. The large one would not go in the Jaguar, yes I know it's a large car, I know that every time I try to park it. Unpacked the thing and still would not go in the car. Some kind soul, walked up and said I could use his Astra Van. I said of course, thats alright mate I will manage, though clearly I could not. Then he drove his Astra van up, and said he would follow me to Thrapston, 15 miles away. Which he did, and he would not take any cash for the petrol. What an amazing chappie, what what !!
Next, my car thought, well the onboard computer thought, that there was something wrong with the engine, so it kept on warning me about Failsafe Engine Mode. Now this reminds me of the time in California on the Rocky Highway, when the Automatic Chrysler stalled on the mountain incline, with rocks falling around us, during the aftermath of a hurricane August 1982. Yes an automatic stalls, five in the car, only for the on board computer voice to tell me: "your screen wash bottle was a quarter full". Later next day it incurred the wrath of my Mother's voice, when it started it's daily chorus check list "all monitored systems are functioning" only for Mother to say "Oh shut up, where were you yesterday when we needed you".
So I took the Jaguar to a little delapidated garage , well it is Thrapston, and yes we are back to the present. He scanned the computer, told it to be less negative, and more like the Man from Del Monte, and did not even charge me. What an excellent chappie what what !!
Now if only Spurs were not sheep when facing wolves huh, at least Harry agrees with my BBC critique, almost verbatum, as well as others, I got 5 stars for my comment !!!
Now the BBC have given me the title of the "legendary allansharpe", now is that the nearest thing to Avatar or what what !!!
Saturday, 6 February 2010
Mission Accomplished
Normal Service has resumed on the Hewlett Packard Pavillion front.
I feel quite chuffed, fanfare for the common man. Friday morning the computer said no, kept on switching itself off all the time, I think it was sent a nasty bug by an even nastier personna non grata, unknown.
Now when can you get free technical help out of warranty , answer difficult to find, if not impossible, so I resorted to my own technical assistance. I went into safe mode, and programme restore. It was like watching the grass grow, yes paint dries quicker, but 24 hours later , umpteen downloads and updates even later, I am back as a matter of fact I'm back, not for the faint hearted !!!
I feel quite chuffed, fanfare for the common man. Friday morning the computer said no, kept on switching itself off all the time, I think it was sent a nasty bug by an even nastier personna non grata, unknown.
Now when can you get free technical help out of warranty , answer difficult to find, if not impossible, so I resorted to my own technical assistance. I went into safe mode, and programme restore. It was like watching the grass grow, yes paint dries quicker, but 24 hours later , umpteen downloads and updates even later, I am back as a matter of fact I'm back, not for the faint hearted !!!
Monday, 1 February 2010
Metabolism
Metabolism
It would have been my mum’s birthday today 2nd February. She died 19 years ago, six strokes in six months, it was merciful to her when she finally gave up, she had turned into a vegetable, so sad. Strange it does not seem like 19 years ago, long time. She was always anguished about me. When I broke my leg in football she was my first visitor. She had got to Tooting in SW London from Dereham in Norfolk via a Greenline bus changing at Victoria Bus Station. She was there before visiting time and before noon on a Sunday. I heard her voice as I lay there after the overnight operation, of course the nurses let her in, how could they resist, she would rattle on until they succumbed. It was only a broken leg, though both tibia and fibula were poking out of my right BBCTV football sock last time I had looked. But my mum showed remarkable conviction, determination and stubbornness, as well as complete bafflement to the listener, above and beyond the call of duty. She did so until the day she died, 74, RIP.
I was editing a BBCTV Watchdog programme that day, 29th of October 1991. Mum had keeled over and out of the nursing bed at 7.30 am in Norfolk, my Sister called me. By 9.30am I was in the edit suite at TV Centre, London and got an internal call from Sarah Caplin, the new editor, who everyone disliked, including me. She asked if I should be at work, she had found out my news. I answered in monotone and monosyllable. Strange how on that one occasion she showed a degree of compassion, which otherwise was never there, and the 6th floor had made her boss of a consumer programme fighting for people’s rights!!!
Memories, those were the days my friend, even though they came to an end.
I heard on the truck radio last week my song, a Russian song originally, sung by Mary Hopkins released 30 August 1968, ah yes the summer of 68…. Mini skirts and scooters, Mods and Rockers, life as we knew it, Jim, errr sorry, Allan…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyaTIXdN5fI
Once upon a time there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed away the hours
And dreamed of all the great things we would do
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
La la la la...
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days
Then the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If by chance I'd see you in the tavern
We'd smile at one another and we'd say
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
La la la la...
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days
Just tonight I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
La la la la...
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days
Through the door there came familiar laughter
I saw your face and heard you call my name
Oh my friend we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts the dreams are still the same
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
La la la la...
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days.
Google and You Tube today help me recall and go back in time. Of course the lonely image in the mirror is a different gender of the same species. I see Dolly Parton did a cover version and is worth a look because she is a bit of a doll and so did Bonny Tyler, who lived in Willesden too, before we both made it and moved on!!
"Those Were the Days"[1] a song is credited to Gene Raskin, who put English lyrics to the Russian gypsy song "Dorogoi dlinnoyu" ("Дорогой длинною", lit. "By the long road"), written by Boris Fomin (1900-1948) with words by the poet Konstantin Podrevskii. It deals with reminiscence upon youth and romantic idealism. The first known recording of the song was by Alexander Vertinsky in the 1920s. The song is best remembered for Mary Hopkin's 1968 recording, which was a top-ten hit in both the U.S. and the U.K.
Of course 1968 was one of my formulative years, just attained my A levels, just lost my virginity to Kim who was 8 years older than me, and just started a real job, Trainee Trading Standards Officer in the London Borough of Brent NW10.
I was young, often to be seen in a Pub, though social only, I would dance the night away, I would fight and never contemplated losing. Now it’s just mirrors.
I always hated losing.
Football, tennis, cricket, darts, Scrabble, Monopoly, Risk, Subbuteo and worse of all ….. love.
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
La la la la...
“You can’t win them all” they used to say, just watch me, was my response. But, you do come a cropper, hence the title of this chapter, “Metabolism”, written at 04.30 hours. Why so early, did you ask, in your sleep? Well I am not like Margaret Thatcher, needing only three and a half hours sleep with electrodes in her bath…stimulating huh ??!!.
No, last week I was a Blue Arrow Flexible Employee, official, I had the hand book to prove it. Flexible as a friend, though not as a credit card, I was behind a wheel of a rather long wheelbase truck, delivering to homes who had ordered furniture from a catalogue. Incidentally about 3 out of 10 preferred other flat pack wardrobes and beds. The flat packs were heavy, but obviously not appealing to the disappointing eye out of the cardboard box when compared to the magazine image. The Beds were carried in by one person, that light, huh. Wow, even the King Size!! So collections and deliveries, but there is no money (other than for me) in collections. I was temp and not to perm, whereas the salaried guys also worked 12 hours a day in London, Hertfordshire, Essex, Suffolk and Norfolk, for no overtime, but the promise of a bonus, if all 27 calls were made, the truck did not break down, all customers were in, and no one cancelled. Tall order huh, well if you were the boss, would you want to promise a bonus or pay it?? True , the trucks were brand new, and reliable, even the radio worked for Mary Hopkins courtesy of BBC Radio2. Though they did have an electronic automatic gearbox and needed pause for thought about forward or reverse, never mind, talk amongst yourselves while you hold up the traffic, manoeuvring.
So though it’s early now and not yet dawn, like jet lag, you get your pattern of sleep and wake disturbed. Up and not quite at them at 5am each day, pitch black when you arise for the bugle call !!
5:50 AM - Assembly of Trumpeters for Reveille [First Call] . The first signal for the soldiers to rise and shine. This call was historically sounded between 4:45 AM - and 6:00 AM - depending on the season. It bears a similarity to the French Cavalry call "La Garde a Vous."
6:00 AM - Reveille
Upon the last note of this call, the flag was raised, the morning gun fired and the men all had to assemble for morning roll call. It is the same as a French call which dates from the time of the Crusades.
So Since the Crusades, we have had to endure getting up tooooooooooooo early for some and certainly me, my brain and my bodily functions, pardon the expression, but you know what I mean. Trust the French to bugger it up again for the Brits.
In addition when you are at warp factor 60 years old, you need all the help you can get with bodily functions, there are no reconditioned units, and the mileage is high, with not many careful owners and a few missing service entries in the log book.
So, that was the week that was, last week, but Friday night the goal posts or the bull’s eyes were moved at ten to five and there is a change of agency. No more archers dressed in blue, It would seem. Hence the flexibility my friend.
However…….
my mental alarm clock has not registered the imposed change still, hence this prose about my metabolism, excuse me while I go to the loo.
Natural Break…….be back soon, stay tuned to this channel……
Listen to some music while I dash off….. (better than adverts!!)
aha-yeah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqYp1jpzKCk
I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart
But you've got being right down to an art
You think you're a genius, you drive me up the wall
You're a regular original, a "knowitall"
Ohwooh, you think you're special
Ohwooh, you think you're something else
Ok, so you're a rocket scientist...
That don't impress me much!
So you got the brains, but have you got the touch?
(Now) Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much!
aha-yeah
I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket
And a comb up his sleeve, just in case
And all that extra hold gel in your hair ought'a lock it
'Cause Heaven prevent, it should fall outta place
Ohwooh, you think you're special
Ohwooh, you think you're something else
Ok, so you're Brad Pitt...
That don't impress me much!
So you got the looks but have you got the touch?
(Now) Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much!
You're one of those guys who likes to shine's machine
You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in
I can't believe you kiss your car good night
C'mon baby tell me, you must be joking, right??
Ohwooh, you think you're special
Ohwooh, you think you're something else
Ok, so you got a car...
That don't impress me much!
So you got the moves, but have you got the touch?
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
[..]
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold lonely night
That don't impress me much!
Ok, so what do you think... you're Elvis or something...
That don't impress me much!
Well that was a modern day Mary Hopkins. Shania Twain was a woman that made me feel like a man, amazing performer , I saw her live in Hyde Park, even though it has always been hard to impress me much.
So.....back to the plot...........
I was impressed much at first, see we all make mistakes, but then moving the archery range was not entirely their fault. I had been recruited with 19 hours of applying for a Total Job on line. "Quick huh", she said, "are you impressed at our efficiency", "well like an arrow, straight to the target" I responded, "oh you are sharp witted " she retorted.
And the week that was ? Well some of it could have made “Wheels” my sit com.
Do you know some people that have moved into brand new houses, and are therefore not on Sat Nav or in maps, do not know the main road to their residence. In fact I have known people who do not know the colour of their front door in a new build, with no street names and no numbers as yet. I guess they believe the TV commercials when washing machines are delivered from the Planet Zanussi by time warp through the ceiling….crrrrash!!
So, when they do not answer the phone or the message left on their phone, there is only one recourse. If you want to know the way ask a postman, they always know, as long as you are not far away and on another beat. But, late in the afternoon, one has to resort to asking a policeman. He doesn’t know, nor does his station, so he tries the lady again on the phone, like I had tried, this time she answers. “Is that Mrs Pretty, he asks, “this is PC 459 from Hertfordshire Constabulary, I have a few questions to ask you”, he said grinning. Now she has not got a video phone, so when I get to her house, I said “see what happens when you don’t return calls, next time you’ll get nicked!!” “Oh, scared the life out of me she said, I wondered, what I had done”.
Then there was my mate, in the cab helping me, one of the guys wishing he won the lottery, after all he had a better chance than getting his bonus. Nice man from Cameroon. But it was funny seeing him disappear up Lordship Lane looking for the house with the washing machine on his trolley, AFTER, I had parked directly opposite the house. Some mothers do have them, but I did run after him and get him back, after all my mother had me.
I do try to have a laugh with these customers. Though they probably are still thinking about was that a joke, even now. For instance, when you deliver an exercise bike or a treadmill, and they say put it by the patio doors, to which I say, “can’t do that…… this one is the 5 gear model, select over drive and you’ll go through the windows straight onto the lawn” Pause for Thought, exit stage right.
Sometimes you here them giggling as you are in 2nd gear leaving their road.
1.2.3 penny drop time.
And now I think it’s all over time, well it is now, 3 hours after I started, I think I will finish. Just for now of course…watch this space!!
Quote of the Week: admiration for Harry Redknapp Manager of “Come on you Spuuuurrrrs” after 2 nil defeat to Liverpool at Anfield - "I don't know why they disallowed Jermain's goal, I have never got anything from that Referee, Howard Webb, probably the 4 officials are still huddled together, consulting the rule book, to find a reason." Tell it as it is Harry.
It would have been my mum’s birthday today 2nd February. She died 19 years ago, six strokes in six months, it was merciful to her when she finally gave up, she had turned into a vegetable, so sad. Strange it does not seem like 19 years ago, long time. She was always anguished about me. When I broke my leg in football she was my first visitor. She had got to Tooting in SW London from Dereham in Norfolk via a Greenline bus changing at Victoria Bus Station. She was there before visiting time and before noon on a Sunday. I heard her voice as I lay there after the overnight operation, of course the nurses let her in, how could they resist, she would rattle on until they succumbed. It was only a broken leg, though both tibia and fibula were poking out of my right BBCTV football sock last time I had looked. But my mum showed remarkable conviction, determination and stubbornness, as well as complete bafflement to the listener, above and beyond the call of duty. She did so until the day she died, 74, RIP.
I was editing a BBCTV Watchdog programme that day, 29th of October 1991. Mum had keeled over and out of the nursing bed at 7.30 am in Norfolk, my Sister called me. By 9.30am I was in the edit suite at TV Centre, London and got an internal call from Sarah Caplin, the new editor, who everyone disliked, including me. She asked if I should be at work, she had found out my news. I answered in monotone and monosyllable. Strange how on that one occasion she showed a degree of compassion, which otherwise was never there, and the 6th floor had made her boss of a consumer programme fighting for people’s rights!!!
Memories, those were the days my friend, even though they came to an end.
I heard on the truck radio last week my song, a Russian song originally, sung by Mary Hopkins released 30 August 1968, ah yes the summer of 68…. Mini skirts and scooters, Mods and Rockers, life as we knew it, Jim, errr sorry, Allan…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyaTIXdN5fI
Once upon a time there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed away the hours
And dreamed of all the great things we would do
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
La la la la...
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days
Then the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If by chance I'd see you in the tavern
We'd smile at one another and we'd say
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
La la la la...
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days
Just tonight I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
La la la la...
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days
Through the door there came familiar laughter
I saw your face and heard you call my name
Oh my friend we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts the dreams are still the same
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
La la la la...
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days.
Google and You Tube today help me recall and go back in time. Of course the lonely image in the mirror is a different gender of the same species. I see Dolly Parton did a cover version and is worth a look because she is a bit of a doll and so did Bonny Tyler, who lived in Willesden too, before we both made it and moved on!!
"Those Were the Days"[1] a song is credited to Gene Raskin, who put English lyrics to the Russian gypsy song "Dorogoi dlinnoyu" ("Дорогой длинною", lit. "By the long road"), written by Boris Fomin (1900-1948) with words by the poet Konstantin Podrevskii. It deals with reminiscence upon youth and romantic idealism. The first known recording of the song was by Alexander Vertinsky in the 1920s. The song is best remembered for Mary Hopkin's 1968 recording, which was a top-ten hit in both the U.S. and the U.K.
Of course 1968 was one of my formulative years, just attained my A levels, just lost my virginity to Kim who was 8 years older than me, and just started a real job, Trainee Trading Standards Officer in the London Borough of Brent NW10.
I was young, often to be seen in a Pub, though social only, I would dance the night away, I would fight and never contemplated losing. Now it’s just mirrors.
I always hated losing.
Football, tennis, cricket, darts, Scrabble, Monopoly, Risk, Subbuteo and worse of all ….. love.
Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
La la la la...
“You can’t win them all” they used to say, just watch me, was my response. But, you do come a cropper, hence the title of this chapter, “Metabolism”, written at 04.30 hours. Why so early, did you ask, in your sleep? Well I am not like Margaret Thatcher, needing only three and a half hours sleep with electrodes in her bath…stimulating huh ??!!.
No, last week I was a Blue Arrow Flexible Employee, official, I had the hand book to prove it. Flexible as a friend, though not as a credit card, I was behind a wheel of a rather long wheelbase truck, delivering to homes who had ordered furniture from a catalogue. Incidentally about 3 out of 10 preferred other flat pack wardrobes and beds. The flat packs were heavy, but obviously not appealing to the disappointing eye out of the cardboard box when compared to the magazine image. The Beds were carried in by one person, that light, huh. Wow, even the King Size!! So collections and deliveries, but there is no money (other than for me) in collections. I was temp and not to perm, whereas the salaried guys also worked 12 hours a day in London, Hertfordshire, Essex, Suffolk and Norfolk, for no overtime, but the promise of a bonus, if all 27 calls were made, the truck did not break down, all customers were in, and no one cancelled. Tall order huh, well if you were the boss, would you want to promise a bonus or pay it?? True , the trucks were brand new, and reliable, even the radio worked for Mary Hopkins courtesy of BBC Radio2. Though they did have an electronic automatic gearbox and needed pause for thought about forward or reverse, never mind, talk amongst yourselves while you hold up the traffic, manoeuvring.
So though it’s early now and not yet dawn, like jet lag, you get your pattern of sleep and wake disturbed. Up and not quite at them at 5am each day, pitch black when you arise for the bugle call !!
5:50 AM - Assembly of Trumpeters for Reveille [First Call] . The first signal for the soldiers to rise and shine. This call was historically sounded between 4:45 AM - and 6:00 AM - depending on the season. It bears a similarity to the French Cavalry call "La Garde a Vous."
6:00 AM - Reveille
Upon the last note of this call, the flag was raised, the morning gun fired and the men all had to assemble for morning roll call. It is the same as a French call which dates from the time of the Crusades.
So Since the Crusades, we have had to endure getting up tooooooooooooo early for some and certainly me, my brain and my bodily functions, pardon the expression, but you know what I mean. Trust the French to bugger it up again for the Brits.
In addition when you are at warp factor 60 years old, you need all the help you can get with bodily functions, there are no reconditioned units, and the mileage is high, with not many careful owners and a few missing service entries in the log book.
So, that was the week that was, last week, but Friday night the goal posts or the bull’s eyes were moved at ten to five and there is a change of agency. No more archers dressed in blue, It would seem. Hence the flexibility my friend.
However…….
my mental alarm clock has not registered the imposed change still, hence this prose about my metabolism, excuse me while I go to the loo.
Natural Break…….be back soon, stay tuned to this channel……
Listen to some music while I dash off….. (better than adverts!!)
aha-yeah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqYp1jpzKCk
I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart
But you've got being right down to an art
You think you're a genius, you drive me up the wall
You're a regular original, a "knowitall"
Ohwooh, you think you're special
Ohwooh, you think you're something else
Ok, so you're a rocket scientist...
That don't impress me much!
So you got the brains, but have you got the touch?
(Now) Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much!
aha-yeah
I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket
And a comb up his sleeve, just in case
And all that extra hold gel in your hair ought'a lock it
'Cause Heaven prevent, it should fall outta place
Ohwooh, you think you're special
Ohwooh, you think you're something else
Ok, so you're Brad Pitt...
That don't impress me much!
So you got the looks but have you got the touch?
(Now) Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much!
You're one of those guys who likes to shine's machine
You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in
I can't believe you kiss your car good night
C'mon baby tell me, you must be joking, right??
Ohwooh, you think you're special
Ohwooh, you think you're something else
Ok, so you got a car...
That don't impress me much!
So you got the moves, but have you got the touch?
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
[..]
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold lonely night
That don't impress me much!
Ok, so what do you think... you're Elvis or something...
That don't impress me much!
Well that was a modern day Mary Hopkins. Shania Twain was a woman that made me feel like a man, amazing performer , I saw her live in Hyde Park, even though it has always been hard to impress me much.
So.....back to the plot...........
I was impressed much at first, see we all make mistakes, but then moving the archery range was not entirely their fault. I had been recruited with 19 hours of applying for a Total Job on line. "Quick huh", she said, "are you impressed at our efficiency", "well like an arrow, straight to the target" I responded, "oh you are sharp witted " she retorted.
And the week that was ? Well some of it could have made “Wheels” my sit com.
Do you know some people that have moved into brand new houses, and are therefore not on Sat Nav or in maps, do not know the main road to their residence. In fact I have known people who do not know the colour of their front door in a new build, with no street names and no numbers as yet. I guess they believe the TV commercials when washing machines are delivered from the Planet Zanussi by time warp through the ceiling….crrrrash!!
So, when they do not answer the phone or the message left on their phone, there is only one recourse. If you want to know the way ask a postman, they always know, as long as you are not far away and on another beat. But, late in the afternoon, one has to resort to asking a policeman. He doesn’t know, nor does his station, so he tries the lady again on the phone, like I had tried, this time she answers. “Is that Mrs Pretty, he asks, “this is PC 459 from Hertfordshire Constabulary, I have a few questions to ask you”, he said grinning. Now she has not got a video phone, so when I get to her house, I said “see what happens when you don’t return calls, next time you’ll get nicked!!” “Oh, scared the life out of me she said, I wondered, what I had done”.
Then there was my mate, in the cab helping me, one of the guys wishing he won the lottery, after all he had a better chance than getting his bonus. Nice man from Cameroon. But it was funny seeing him disappear up Lordship Lane looking for the house with the washing machine on his trolley, AFTER, I had parked directly opposite the house. Some mothers do have them, but I did run after him and get him back, after all my mother had me.
I do try to have a laugh with these customers. Though they probably are still thinking about was that a joke, even now. For instance, when you deliver an exercise bike or a treadmill, and they say put it by the patio doors, to which I say, “can’t do that…… this one is the 5 gear model, select over drive and you’ll go through the windows straight onto the lawn” Pause for Thought, exit stage right.
Sometimes you here them giggling as you are in 2nd gear leaving their road.
1.2.3 penny drop time.
And now I think it’s all over time, well it is now, 3 hours after I started, I think I will finish. Just for now of course…watch this space!!
Quote of the Week: admiration for Harry Redknapp Manager of “Come on you Spuuuurrrrs” after 2 nil defeat to Liverpool at Anfield - "I don't know why they disallowed Jermain's goal, I have never got anything from that Referee, Howard Webb, probably the 4 officials are still huddled together, consulting the rule book, to find a reason." Tell it as it is Harry.
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